'Quaterly' life crisis.

Hello people stopping by to visit this weblog.

My life is chaotic at the moment, to say the least. One minute I'm overly happy with my life as it is and the next I could cry over the pathetic turn it's taking...

I'm not one to dwell or look back, but when I look ahead I don't see what I wanted to see... basically I don't see anything, and I don't like at all!

My job is taking its toll on me, I wanted responsabilities, and I like every minute of it... supervising a team of soon to be 16 people, 8 different markets and 7 different nationalities is a blast... but at the same time I have to face so many pointless challenges that I quite don't see the point in continuing it, knowing it's going to get even worse in the near future...

I live in a great town, I have wonderful friends here and back in France, I have a dear friend which lightens up my days and systematically kicks my butt on a weekly basis on a squash court... but my life remains empty.

I might be trying to acheive something that can't be acheived at this point in my life and it's holding me back, preventing me from enjoying what I have by always looking for what I wish I had.

For many years now I've dreamed of going to the USA and eventually settling down in Canada. This, is my dream. For many reasons, including my fear of leaving everything behind, I can't resolve myself to go for it just now. But not going for it means I hate myself for being weak and not fully living my life.

I'm at a crossroad at the moment... I could well decide life's great and could just go ahead, but I would be lying to myself. I could go back the way I came, back to what is safe because devoid of surprises... going back to France. Or I could work as hard as I can to make my dream comes true.

But for all these options there's one thing that I would need... patience. People who know me will smile at this... patience isn't my strong suit. I've never been patient, I want everything right away and then some. Life just doesn't work like this.

So, I guess what I wanted to say is that I don't know what to do or where to go from there.

Everything's moving around me, everybody's getting married, having kids, settling down in a life they've chosen, and here I am, living my life the way I thought I wanted to live it but the sad thing is that I don't feel happy, not as happy as I should be anyway...

Guess I have some thinking to do and maybe my penguin and I will be flying to better skies sooner than later...

Anyway... forget what I said... what's really important right now is that the ending of season 3 of Grey's Anatomy is way too sad... guess that's the reason for my current mood! ;-)